I've been in a little bit of a reading slump. I mentioned in my last post that I was taking an intentional week-long break from reading, but in the wake of that I've been finding it difficult to resume. The only thing I've been engaging with is the audiobook verison of How Music Works by David Byrne and also a pdf of Zeros and Ones by Sadie Plant that I've been chipping away at for a while now. Those two books actually complement each other much more than you might expect. Oh, I guess I'm also reading this old copy of McLuhan for Beginners I found at a book sale a few months ago. I finished Understanding Media recently, but haven't really been able to digest a lot of it beyond the basics.
One thing I don't think I've mentioned yet is that I do have a goodreads and I made the decision when the year started to set a goal for 100 books. I know that this is kind of insane but I feel like I can do it. I think I'm at four so far, which is kind of a weak start in terms of monthly output. Last year, I think I read 22 or 23 books, and I guess I took longer with them in pursuit of some idea of "reading well". I guess that's cool in concept, but I often still feel like my comprehension isn't as uh... comprehensive as it ought to be. It's kind of a tricky thing to access on your own, when your doing it for yourself and not for a class or anything. I feel like if I'm going to feel confused and inadequate regardless I might as well speed things up.
So if you read the original about page, you know that the main inspiration for this blog was k-punk, Mark Fisher's blog. I do still kind of want this to be a theory blog, but I guess I took that out of the about page because like... k-punk had a PHD when he got the blog up and running. How do you take inspiration from someone who you know was operating on an entierly different plane? It kinda felt like a silly thing to have there. I can't really pretend to be that kind of voice.
For the record, I do have a minor in political science, and I have considered pursuing an academic career more adjacent to this kind of stuff - and who knows, maybe something like that actually is still in the cards for me in some capacity - but I also do like the idea of being an independent scholar (and not giving away insane amounts of money for grad school). The only thing is that it still leaves me with a pretty significant lack of confidence when it comes to "doing theory", whatever that means. I've read some of Mark Fisher's books obvs, a good bit of Nietzsche now, and few others here and there. This year, I'm trying to read more from Marx/Engels, Roland Barthes, Julia Kristiva, and Deleuze/Guattari. And a bunch of others! Those are just the ones I'm most curious about. Even with reading these types of books, in addition to all the adjacent blogs and articles, there's still the a big question mark with what I'm actually getting at with all of it.
I guess this is also sort of underscored my inability to connect with and/or participate in action groups. I'm like the textbook definiton of a useless lefty idiot, and I don't even have the usual saving grace of being a proper shitposter. I'm way too sincere for that! Right now, I'm doing the whole media thing, seeing where it goes and if it can pay enough for me to move out of my parent's house. But I'm also trying to read theory and make art in my free time, while also trying to improve my mental and physical health. All that jazz.
I guess that's why it's been so difficult to get things started with this blog, becuase I knew I wouldn't really be able to talk about this stuff without explaining where I'm at with it, and that's kind of a tricky thing. I feel like at a time like this, being silent and unsure really isn't okay. But I'm hoping that this could sort of be a place to find my voice and maybe even connect with people.
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